Parshat Vayechi: Blessings and Chizuk

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There are two scenes of Yaacov blessing his children or grandchildren in parshat Vayechi. Both times we feel Yaacov’s tension and concern about whether or not his descendents will live up to their potential and be a blessing. Both times the next generation rises to accept their destiny.

When Yaacov is about to bless Yosef’s sons, Menashe and Efraim, he suddenly asks, “Mi eleh?” “Whose are these?” Rashi explains – Yaacov saw that in the future some of their descendents would not be worthy of a bracha. Rabbi Benny Lau suggests that this was because they looked Egyptian and Yaacov wondered, how are these related to me? Yet, Yaacov decides to bless them nonetheless and they become part of the twelve tribes. Appropriately, this is the source for the blessing we give our children on Friday nights.

Next, in Bereshit 49, Yaacov calls his sons to gather at his bedside twice. Rashi explains that the repetition is due to the fact that Yaacov wished to reveal the future to them, however the Divine presence departed from him. The midrash elaborates: Yaacov feared that his children might have a “machloket,” or cause to reject God. His children reassured him they have no machloket by saying “Shema Yisrael (Yaacov’s other name), the Lord is our God, the Lord is One.” Yaacov, in his relief, answered “Baruch shem…,” “Blessed be the name of God’s glorious kingdom forever and ever.” Here, the Shema is a sign of children giving chizuk to their parents.

 We continue to bless our children in the hope that they internalize our positive values and maximize their potential. Like Yaacov, we have been blessed with a generation of children who have affirmed their incredible commitment to the Jewish people and who are a source of strength and inspiration for Israel. May the memory of those we have lost be for a blessing. May Hashem protect our soldiers and bring them home victorious soon. Chazak, chazak ve’nitchazek. Shabbat Shalom -Karen Miller Jackson

Parshat Vayechi: On Parenting and Shema

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“Ilan, Ilan, with what shall I bless you? …May it be God’s will that all saplings which they plant from you be like you.” -Taanit 5b

As parents, we often hope that our children will choose to follow the path we have chosen in life. Yet, we also want them to grow and become independent. Yacov’s parenting, in parshat Vayechi, provides a model for how to relate to children who may choose different values than our own. 

The parsha contains two moments when Yacov expresses concern about the path his descendents will take in the future. When Yacov meets Yosef’s sons, Menashe and Efrayim, for the first time he asks, “Mi eleh?” “Whose are these?” Rashi explains – they did not look worthy of a bracha. Rabbi Benny Lau suggests that this was because they looked Egyptian and Yacov wondered, how are these related to me? Yet, Yacov decides to bless them nonetheless. How appropriate that this is the bracha with which we bless our children on Friday night. No matter what – we continue to bless them in the hope that they internalize our values and find their way to commitment to Torah. 

Also, in Bereshit 49, Yacov calls his children to gather at his bedside twice. Rashi explains that the repetition is due to the fact that Yacov wished to reveal the future to them, however the Divine presence departed from him. The midrash elaborates: Yacov feared that his children might have a “machloket,” or cause to reject God. His children reassured him by saying “Shema Yisrael (Yacov’s other name), the Lord is our God, the Lord is One.” Ya’acov, in his relief, answered ברוך שם כבוד מלכותו לעולם ועד, “Blessed be the name of God’s glorious kingdom forever and ever.”
The Shema is the greatest statement of our belief in God and yet it is also associated with this dialogue between Ya’acov in his children, an expression of apprehension of what will be in the future. When we recite the Shema we recall this interaction, perhaps with fears of our own. Yet, by saying Shema and “baruch Shem” we strengthen our belief and reinforce our hope for the future. Shabbat Shalom -Karen Miller Jackson

Parshat Eikev: On Partial Observance

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In Parshat Eikev Moshe continues his final speech to Bnei Yisrael. The language he uses provides a springboard for discussing how to relate to varying levels of commitment to Torah within our homes and communities.

Moshe teaches the reward for observing mitzvot: They will thrive, increase and possess the land of Israel. “All the commandment (כׇּל־הַמִּצְוָ֗ה) that I enjoin upon you today, you shall faithfully observe them (תִּשְׁמְר֣וּן לַעֲשׂ֑וֹת)…” First the verse refers to keeping “kol hamitzvah” which appears to be in the singular and then refers to keeping all mitzvot in the plural “tishmerun.” Moreover, the meaning of the word “kol” is unclear.

Rashi, in his usual style, first comments that “kol hamitzvah” should be understood literally, as meaning “all mitzvot,” even though the word mitzvah is singular. Yet, unsatisfied with this logical interpretation, Rashi cites the midrash Tanhuma which teaches a lesson in keeping mitzvot: If you begin a mitzvah, finish it! The word “kol” is understood as “the entirety of the mitzvah,” or “the completion of the mitzvah.” If several people take part in a mitzvah, it is the one who completes it who gets the credit. When Moshe took Yosef’s bones out of Egypt, it was Bnei Yisrael who got credit for burying them in Israel since they completed the mitzvah.

Still, the midrash recognizes that Moshe’s partial completion of a mitzvah was important, even if it is not complete fulfillment. Similarly, Rabbi Yochanan is cited in the Talmud as saying that one who learns only one statute (chok) is rewarded with a share in the World-to-Come. The Kli Yakar on our pasuk states similarly that partial completeness also works at a communal level: the transition from singular to plural in the verse implies that when an individual keeps mitzvot, there is benefit and reward for the wider community.

Perhaps Moshe understood that while completeness is the ideal, recognizing the value of partial observance encourages people to grow and take part in the Jewish community. Shabbat Shalom -Karen Miller Jackson

Parshat Matot: A Parenting Model

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In parshat Matot, Moshe is faced with a challenge from within bnei Yisrael. His reaction, and the discussion which follows, provides a model for healthy parenting. 

Sefer Bamidbar opens with the high hopes of entering the land of Israel. Yet, after a series of rebellions, the first generation dies out in the desert. Now, as their children are about to complete this mission, there is a moment of crisis. Two tribes, Reuven and Gad (joined by half of Menashe), request to remain on the east side of the Jordan River, because of its excellent grazing land for their livestock. Why does this seemingly innocent request yield a strong and emotional reaction from Moshe?

Moshe’s words reflect his concerns: that they won’t help their “brothers” fight for the land and that like their fathers, they will “turn the minds” of bnei Yisrael from crossing into Israel. Moshe fears that this will be a repeat of the meraglim. However, as Rabbi Nati Helfgot points out, several literary elements in this “inverted meraglim” story show that this generation is stronger and has taken their parents’ past mistakes to heart. With the spies, 10 men speak negatively and only 2 advocate for settling Israel. Here, only 2 tribes request to stay on the east of Jordan, while 10 tribes will settle Israel. Moreover, the 2 tribes state clearly that they will help fight for Israel, dispelling Moshe’s fears of rebellious motives.  

Moshe’s firm, preemptive response to bnei Reuven and Gad is understandable after the setbacks in the desert. They, in turn, show Moshe that they are different from the spies and display unity and commitment. This dynamic provides a model for parenting as well. Children will always make mistakes. The challenge for parents is finding a balance between standing firm in our values and beliefs, while also striving to be flexible and believing in our children’s ability to change and grow. Shabbat Shalom – Karen Miller Jackson

Parshat Vayechi: Parenting Different Personalities

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What wisdom does Parshat Vayechi contain on parenting different personalities?

As Yacov’s life draws to an end he gathers his sons together. First, Yacov’s intention is to tell them “what is to befall you in days to come.” After speaking to each individual son the Torah says: “these were his parting words. He blessed them, blessing each one with a parting word appropriate to him.” What was the purpose of Yacov’s final speech?

This question perplexed the biblical interpreters especially since some of Yacov’s words sound unlike brachot. Ibn Ezra argues that these were words of prophecy, not blessings. Yet, the harshest words said to Shimon and Levi seem to be about the past, not the future: “Cursed be their anger. I will divide them in Jacob and scatter them in Israel.” Commentaries understand this as rebuke for their previous willingness to kill Yosef and their violent revenge on the city of Shechem after the taking of Dina. 

A psychologically insightful interpretation is offered by the Or Hachaim who writes that in fact all of these words were blessings. Even the harsh words to Shimon and Levi were given as brachot. By scattering them throughout the tribes and giving Levi the peaceful service in the mikdash, this channeled their anger and aggressive tendencies. In fact, Or Hachaim teaches, Yacov blessed each son appropriately for him. Every soul has its own individual potential and Yacov intended his bracha to maximize the potential and strengths of each child. 

Appropriately, parshat Vayechi is also the source of the custom to bless our children on Friday nights. It reminds us that each child is an individual and we continue to bless them in the hope that they internalize our positive values, maximize their potential and channel their middot for the good. Shabbat Shalom – Karen Miller Jackson

*Jacob Blessing the Sons of Joseph by Jan Victors